do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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