dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
