The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
