i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
