im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
