Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
