the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
