My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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