that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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