Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
