Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize