Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
