i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
