Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She bit a glass in half.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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