I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Where is the hickey?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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