i just wanna soil my oats bro
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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