For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
