I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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