I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
