I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
