Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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