just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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