In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
