The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
