so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I believe in your delicious
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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