He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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