You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Randomize