Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
