Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
