I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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