i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
