We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
