either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
