My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
