you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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