Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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