The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
