I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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