Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
