The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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