When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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