Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
