Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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