I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
