Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
