Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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