I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize