return my video game
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
