Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize