Barsexuality is the new black.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
