About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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