She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
