I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
