Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
