You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
