we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize