If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
