ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it glows. i had to have it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
