Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
