I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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