I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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