they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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