operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
