Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
