She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
