Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there was a trapeze. enough said
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
