I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
