After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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