D3 body, D1 cock
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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