you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
