I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
