Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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