So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
