College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
