I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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