Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
