You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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