i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
