we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
