sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
