Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
