Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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