Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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