I hate all girls vehemently.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
